I need your help ASAP! My daughter JUST asked me this question!!

 

File Apr 13, 11 26 31 AM

Let me set the stage for you. My ten year old daughter and I were driving to school and we were chatting about our new puppy Loki. I mentioned that when we get back from our next Disney trip in May for the Disney Social Media Moms Celebration I’m attending (with the fam), we’re gonna have to take Loki to get “fixed.” She asked me what he has to get “fixed” for and I explained so that he couldn’t have babies. She said, “Oh no, so if we did NOT get him fixed, Loki could have puppies? But that would be awesome Mom!” Me not even REALLLLY thinking said, “no, no, no, honey…webabies have to get him fixed so that Loki can’t make other girl doggies have puppies.” Total silence for a minute and then she said, “well doesn’t God just put the puppies in their tummies like he puts babies in Mommy’s tummies?” Me…”Well, technically yes, God does put babies in our tummies but there is alot more to it than that honey.” She then asked, “well, how ARE babies made then Mommy?” Then it was my turn for total silence. Of course we were about to pull up to carpool so I had to tell her that there was alot to explain and we could talk about it as soon as she got home.

OH EM GEE you guys!!! She is TEN! I know I live in the mommy fantasyland of never wanting my girls to grow up which CLEARLY is ridiculous but OH EM GEE, she’s ten!!! I thought I had at least another year or so. Sigh. I already bought her the American Girl Doll books that talk about your body, changes, feelings etc, but I was hoping I would have more time before we had to have the BIG talk.

Like last week she discovered that her “chest” was a little tender and sore so we talked about her body and how it was growing and used those American Girl doll books to go over changes and feelings. We talked about bras, breasts and even milk for your babies etc to which she replied, “Does breast milk taste like almond milk?” Which of course made me laugh so hard I thought I was gonna spit out my water. But I knew if she was already talking about boobies, that the other conversation was right around the corner but like I said, I thought I had more time. I can’t shake the visual of looking at her now at ten years old but still seeing my first little baby in this picture.File Apr 13, 10 51 20 AM Waaaaa. Why can’t time just stand still?!

Alright, I know, I know, I need to fast forward my mourning process and get over it and get to the task at hand like now, because I do NOT want her to have this conversation with anyone else first.

Sooooo, how did YOU all have the “talk” with your kids? Lay it on me. I will take any of your advice, book and video recommendations and pearls of wisdom, whatever!

Let’s do this people. It takes a village and I need this village to act quickly cus I got some ‘splainin’ to do. 🙂

THANK YOU SO SO MUCH IN ADVANCE! Really.

XO Surviving Mommy

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30 Comments

  • April Truett says:

    Those are the books that I used with my girls as well. I also just gave the age appropriate explanation of the sex talk. Just What they need to know. But yes, sadly the time has come to prepare our children the way we want them to know the story, not the from friends. Keep it simple and be honest. Let her ask questions and answer them accordingly. ♡♡♡♡ and prayers to you today and always!!! Moms sticking together

  • Beth Brown says:

    Cindy, I have a fantastic story about it (my girls are 21 and almost 18) but its truly not for a general audience. My eldest had some really incorrect info. Can I somehow share the story – with a very cool GOD moment at the end privately? My email is below…..

  • Stacy says:

    After going through this twice, I agree with April above… I asked the girls to tell me what they knew and then I filled in the details or corrected them when I saw issues. It was straight, to the point, and honestly, a little sterile. BUT, now that my oldest is heading off to collage in a year, we have been having more talks about “frat boy behavior”, character, what she thinks is and isn’t appropriate behavior, etc. NOW (she is 16) I’m taking more time to get into more of the gritty details of mistakes I made, decisions that were good…and sharing some of my bad decisions with her. She is sheltered in our town and in our school. She wants to go to a BIG school and I don’t want her to be blindsided by the attitudes and behaviors of people who may not have the strongest faith or convictions. But you have a while before those types of topics need to be discussed. For now, I’d say short, sweet, simple, fact based. Done. 🙂

  • Crystal says:

    I am anxious to hear how your conversation goes. I bought those books for my Lily last year and she thought it was the worst thing ever. She looked at them once and seemed mortifed. She’s asking questions here and there but nothing specific to THE talk yet. Makes me nervous just to think about it. Wish I had some advice for you. But all I have is love and prayers on this one. Good luck Momma!

  • Tami says:

    There is a book series for Lily that might be good. Check it out on Amazon. This book will answer her specific question age appropriately:

    http://www.amazon.com/Where-Do-Babies-Come-Christian/dp/0758614160/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1460645321&sr=8-3&keywords=books+for+kids+on+where+babies+come+from

    There appears to be a series that explains other questions she might have but didn’t think to ask you, or it will come up soon. Of course, I don’t blame you if you want to try to find the book at the library first and look it over before either checking it out or buying them (I buy used) outright for your girls. Lulu will be asking those questions too in about 7 years. It’s nice that there’s help available out there for today’s moms.

  • Tami says:

    Sorry….THIS appears to be a series that explains other questions

  • Calvin Hicks says:

    I am the father/dad/shepherd of a boy that is my greatest inspiration. We shared “the talk” for the first time when he was 10. I was guided by the assistance of three great books recommended by the school librarian at Shallowford Falls Elementary – ‘What’s Happening to Me’ by Peter Maybe, ‘What’s Happening to My Body’ by Lynda Madras, and ‘It’s Perfectly Normal’ by Robie Harris and Michael Emberley. There was plenty of giggling from both of us, and my son asked lots of questions. He and his mom also read the books together and she presented her perspective to him as well.

    I have to tell you, the conversation about respect of self and others, hormones, physical transformation, dating – the full array, progressed with each passing year and through open, honest conversation and giggles. He is 14 now and his curiosity about his body changes – deeper voice, growth spurts, facial and pubic hair, have all been discussed with his mom and me. And yes, there are tons of questions about girls, as well as abstinence, personal protection, and RESPECT!

    There are lots of great books and tools available to help you and your husband with this delicate issue Cindy. I think what makes it great for my son and me is honest engagement and lots of giggles!

    Good luck and thanks for sharing. I love your blog!

    • Donna Sherman says:

      My son is 4….these discussions scare me but it sounds like you handled it marvelously. I am going to look for those books you mentioned and have them ready…yes, I am early but these days you need to be. We already discuss appropriate and inappropriate touching, who can and cannot touch his body, personal space, respect for himself and others….good and bad things to say to friends, etc. It is so tough.

  • Jessica says:

    The American Doll was where we started as well at the age of 8. My oldest is now 15 and we have a very open conversation whenever she has a question and we always have, she knew about male and female parts and what they do by age 11 when she started middle school. We are very truthful in our answers because believe it or not, the kids her age at school are already talking about it and they believe they have all the right answers. My advise is to go slow but be very open. Start with what she thinks happens (let her talk first), sometimes they are meaning something totally different that what we think.

  • Cindy Pittman says:

    It is time for “the talk”. Girls start their periods much younger now. Once that happens to her or her friends, they start sharing information some factual and some not. Privacy, respect, purity, and confidence are all important parts of the discussion. You don’t have to spill everything in one session with her. You will handle it perfectly for you and your baby girl.

  • Tami (Modeanryan) Moore says:

    Ugh! Sadly – MY son (who turns 30! today!) got the B&B talk from me (single mom) when he was NINE! Because – he went to a friends house whose grandpa had a tv that when turned on went RIGHT TO PORN! Fast forward next day – while he is at daycare (through the BAPTIST CHURCH NO LESS!) he starts telling his buddies about the boobies and stuff he saw! Ay yi yi! The director informs me he must be watching Playboy channel – um no….we do not get that channel! The ensuing discussion was very difficult for both of us! However, I’d made a point to be honest with my guys – and while as
    G-Rated as I could make it, gave him the “lay” of the land…wah wahhhhh. God does bless us with babies, but he also blesses us with the physicalities to make the babies. Don’t have to get real detailed just yet, but share that God gives us the abilities and as adults we (normally) know how to determine when we want to use those abilities to have a baby – but puppy dogs do not know how to make that decision…

  • Kristina says:

    Cindy, my daughter is 8 and kept asking questions after a purity ring ceremony at church. I kept telling her that she didn’t want to know the answers to her questions and that she was going to be grossed out, that it was more for teenagers and adults, and that she should come back to me in a couple of years. But she wouldn’t stop asking. So I talked to my husband about it and we decided to give her a brief discussion (WHAT??? SHE’S ONLY 8!!!!) I told her about the Godly part of it, because we believe that way and of course want her to wait, and then the medical part of it. She was so grossed out that she didn’t want to talk about it any more…ever. You want her to ask YOU and not someone else. Even though she thought it was gross, she thanked me for telling her, but covered her face and said “can we please not talk about this ever again until I’m really ready?” Just talk to her. It will be uncomfortable for both of you.

  • Taylor Scott says:

    I’ll be praying for you today girl! You’re going to do fantastic! Just be yourself, and think about what you would want to know at this point. You can do it in stages. : )

  • Josie Long says:

    All I can say is… WOW!!! Lilly’s TEN, and she said WHAT NOW???? OMG OMG OMG OMG!! 😱 😨😱

  • Another mom says:

    Be perfectly honest, use proper terms and be very matter of fact about it. Knowing how her bodh functions is nothing to be embrassed about.

  • Devoria says:

    I’m sorry Cindy, but I can’t add to this conversation. I never had children, due to the fear my mom instilled in me when I was a child. Back then, there were no books, tapes, etc., to assist a parent with this kind of talk. Mothers told us (straight talk, no chaser), and that was enough to make me fearful. I now have some regrets in never knowing what motherhood was like, but studying “early childhood” in college was an eye opener. Children tend to ask more direct questions, and they look to you for honest answers, without nothing left out. I do agree though, at age 10, seeking advice, from the ladies above, and going forward, who have had to encounter this same situation, would be your best bet. Keeping you in thought and prayer that you will be able to solidify the answers to Lily’s questions. Gosh, I too, remember when you had her, you were working the midday shift with Ray. Boy, time has really flown!.

  • Eve says:

    Well, I’m by no means an expert but I do have six wonderful children so we’ve had the talk lots of times. Most of my children had the talk between ages 9-10 unfortunately. I realized quickly that they were hearing it at school so it was best for me to set the record straight. I always found that a non-threatening, on-going conversation worked best. It always seemed to backfire when I called them into the room and had the “lets have a talk” face. I always found that in the car, while cooking dinner, on a family walk or another casual time was always best. I was honest, used medical terms then followed it up with slang in case they heard it elsewhere. I told them everything to empower them

  • Cathleen says:

    Open, honest and medically correct terminology. Let Lily start first and get an idea of what she knows. Then fill in the blanks as needed. You know what level of information your daughter can handle. As they get older, they will ask more and more questions. Tell her to ask you (or your husband or your Mom – someone trustworthy) and not her friends. They may (probably) have the wrong information. It’s not easy but the more you keep those lines open – the more comfortable she will be talking to you about this and other things.

  • Olivia says:

    If it makes you feel any better my son was 7 when we had the talk. He is so scientific and he kept asking questions that started out about animals. My pediatrician’s advice was if they’re old enough to ask, they’re old enough to hear the answer. Well he asked! 🙂 And we were driving, so that made it a little less awkward I think. First I told him that there’s an egg from the mom and there has to be a dad because there’s a special seed that it takes to make the baby. The questions progressed and progressed and there was no getting around it without telling him an outright lie. So I told him HOW the seed gets inside the mom and he slapped his hands to his face and said, “Oh I hope I NEVER grow up!!!” 🙂 And his older sister (10) burst into tears and yelled that she was never doing that! Lol! But of course I followed up with well this is God’s plan, and you will change your mind one day… This is only something you do when you’re married, not with your brother or sister or anything like that. (This was also on the advice of my pediatrician!) Anyway, it all worked out and I’m glad we talked about it because now I don’t have to sit down and have a super uncomfortable one-sided conversation! 🙂 And as freaked out as I was on the inside, I kept a calm exterior and used proper terms, and now they know they can come to me with any question they have! Good luck!!!

  • Christy Stephenson says:

    You don’t have to build a clock to tell the time! Simple, accurate, from YOU, is always best!

  • Michele says:

    My kids now 25 & 22 learned a lot from their friends. I never really had “the talk” I simply re-enforced the consequences of having sex. It was hard for me because I came from a family of 7 kids, 4 of which are girls and I am the youngest. I remember when I started receiving that wonderful “gift” every month my mom threw a book to me and said read this. I was on my own but I was lucky enough to have Catholic morals instilled in me. When I was growing up we were kids! We didn’t know about the birds and the bees much less talk about them! Kids these days know so much more than when I was their age. Mind you, I work with 5 yr olds everyday and some of the stuff that comes out of their mouths is amazing. They have seen it all! Sex, drugs, guns, and even death. They should be kids! It’s called non-parenting. So sad. I hope all goes well and the only suggestion I can give is from a friend of mine. She used the correct words for all the body parts. I’ve heard that is the right way to do it. It wasn’t for me. I just couldn’t say those words. We made up words and thankfully my kids turned out great! Good luck and keep us posted. You have a smart one there and she can handle it. It’s you I’m worried about! Lol!

  • Susan Westling says:

    Haha. Our kids actually go to the same school…I believe Lily is a year younger than my son, Evan. I was having the same freak out moment this year because Evan’s dad never had “the talk” with his own dad…he just said it was something he figured out on his own by talking with his buddies. Umm…just…no. That’s not going to be how OUR son discovers things! I thought, ok – maybe the school teaches sex-ed in 5th grade (I didn’t think that was odd, I mean that’s when I had it 30 years ago in public school!)…so at the next parent/teacher conference when Evan’s teacher asked if we had any questions or concerns, it just rolled out of my mouth…”When do they have sex education?”. Omg…I wish I had a pic of their faces. Both my ex-husband and the teacher were looking at me like I had 3 heads. The teacher, whom I absolutely adore btw, quickly recovered and said something about thinking they have “health” in 6th grade. We get outside and Evan’s dad was rolling…”Wow Susan”…is all he could say. Oh well…I’ve never had much of a filter…why start now? Just looks like I’m going to be the one having the talk with him. 😐

  • Jaymi says:

    Hey, 10 is pretty old these days!! My son is 8 and after some inappropriate gestures at school, we realized he knew a LOT about sex!! And we didn’t think he was old enough for the sex talk! We’ve been in the “awkward silence” moment where your jaw hits the floor and you just stare at them shocked by the things coming out of their mouth!!! YIKES!!! I know it HAD to be this awkward for my parents too, but geez!! I didn’t realize it would be this hard!! ha ha!!
    The good thing is, it is something God created to be beautiful so it doesn’t have to be super weird!! And don’t worry, 10 is not too young to have the talk! Girls start having their periods around 10-12 these days, so having the talk is probably a good thing so she isn’t freaking out when that happens!! Praying for Him to give you the words!! And praying that this talk will be the beginning of a super open and honest relationship between you and your daughter so when she does have questions, she will come to you.
    Someone gave me great advice! Give them more than they want to know so they will know you have the answers instead of going to their friends at school who more than likely will misinform them. If they realize you know it all, they will be more willing to come to you because they will see you know your stuff!! I thought that may help! Although, girls are WAY different than boys!!

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