Around this time every year, I become super reflective. Five years ago I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. It was one of the scariest times of my life and one of the best times of my life. Yep, that’s right I said best!
Many people refer to this as a “Cancerversary” which I kinda love. 1. Because it means celebrating I am alive and I’m all about that being alive stuff! lol And 2. My husband knows my love language is receiving gifts and he usually does something special to celebrate this occasion. (ie. CAKE!!!) hee hee (If you haven’t read The 5 Love Languages book-buy it NOW, it’s AWESOME).
Before I had both of my daughters, I was in pretty good shape and I thought ALOT about how I looked physically. Heck, don’t we all? When you get Cancer though and not only lose your hair but gain a bunch of weight from chemo, most of that vainness sort of goes out the window…you just don’t wanna die and that sort of changes things.
Through the whole Breast Cancer process you start to re-evaluate things. Life, work, friends and priorities. It’s not an overnight thing but a slow and steady realization that you keep going back to everyday, because no matter how far you are away from your initial Cancer diagnosis, you are reminded that you had Cancer. Every.Single.Day.
When I am naked and look in the mirror, I see the scar from my port on my upper chest where the chemo IV would go into my body. I see the extra weight from the five year BC pill Tamoxifen I am on, (which I still have two years left of) and finally, I see the most noticeable thing to me…my breasts. Aka the girls and it looks like the girls are winking at you. No really. (lol) Let me explain. I decided after a few Cancer and reconstructive surgeries, I didn’t want to finish my nipple reconstruction. So yes, I only have one nipple. There, I said it. So the other breast just kinda looks like it is winking. 🙂 I never finished because I was done. Done with being overly obsessed with how I looked on the outside and since there was only one other person who I cared about what he thought (and he didn’t and doesn’t care), I decided no more surgeries for me. (Thank you to my friend Dr. Carmen Kavali, who as a plastic surgeon, has ALWAYS being so hugely supportive of that decision!)
So sure, once in a while I may get frustrated with my extra lb’s (hey, I am a woman!) or have a glance in the mirror at my winky girls (as I call them)…but I move on because I am alive. Praise the Lord I am alive, happy and most importantly healthy!
So Happy Cancerversary to me!!!! Wooohooo!
XO Surviving Mommy