My husband Eric’s biological dad has never been in his life. Sadly, his step dad was in his life from about ages 2-17, but he said the only thing he really remembers about his step-dad is that he used to sit at the breakfast table in his bathrobe and never looked up when he entered the room. That crushes me because I remember reading a few years ago that Oprah had a moment in the 1990’s where she figured out one of her greatest life lessons was “that everybody just wants to be appreciated or validated.” She then had an aha! moment in 2000 when Toni Morrison, author of The Bluest Eye, was on the show asking, “Does your face light up [when you see children]?” because that allows your face to speak how your heart feels.
Ever since I heard that, I have made a concerted effort to always look SO happy and thrilled when my children or my husband walk into the room. I do that because I know I have always felt loved by my parents and that feeling is wonderful. To think that my husband never got this from his dad breaks my heart. But here’s the thing, despite not having a true father in his life and feeling like he did not have any love from a father, he has somehow figured out how to be a pretty AH-mazing father (AND husband)! And at 15 years old, thankfully God put a wonderful person in Eric’s life, his best friend Chris (who was best man at our wedding). I think Eric has always looked up to Chris although they are only one year apart. Who says your male influence has to be your father, right?
Just so you can keep up… I was married before Eric. We had my now 10 year old Lily and we divorced before she was two. It was sad and heart-breaking but we all somehow figured out how to make post-divorce life work. So much so, I wrote about what divorce looks like in our house last Summer here on the blog. Years ago, Lily’s dad moved to Los Angeles so he has been very supportive of Eric being a major part of her life and he and Eric get along great! I know, kinda crazy right?!
Eric could have ran the other way when we met. I mean good gravy, I got Breast Cancer less than a year after we met. But, he didn’t run. He fell in love with me AND my daughter, who is now also his daughter. He loves both our girls exactly the same and I know they love him with all their hearts. We are his world and he is ours. This man goes out of his way to take care of his girls too. He loves on them, he disciplines them, he takes them on Daddy/Daughter dates, he wants to create memories for them. He gets it. He gets Fatherhood. Is he perfect? Probably not (sorry honey! lol), but neither am I. None of us are. But what matters most is he tries really hard to get it right and most of the time he does.
Why am I telling you this? Because good people deserve to be recognized. Good men need to be recognized too! Plus he deserves to be recognized on a random day that is not Father’s Day and I wanted to do that today. I am reading a devotional right now by my Pastor Andy Stanley’s wife, Sandra Stanley called Comparison Trap. I found this beautiful picture in her book that says, “Celebrate others out loud and on purpose.” So doesn’t it just make sense that we should do that? For all of the people we love?! No matter how big or small their accomplishments? CELEBRATE OTHERS OUT LOUD AND ON PURPOSE! I love it and I love him!
XO Surviving Mommy