What age did you have the talk?

2015-08-10 07.28.50Bahhhhhhhhh! I need your help! I would like to speak to those of you parents who have already had “the talk” with your kids.

So my oldest daughter Lily just turned ten. As in not even a month ago. Last night she came to me and asked, “Mommy, what is “the talk?” After I picked myself up from the ground weeping in the fetal position (ok, not literally, just mentally pictured me doing that), I first asked her where she had heard about “the talk.” She said some boys in the neighborhood mentioned to her and some of her girl-friends that THEY had had the talk with their parents and were wondering if the girls had too. THANK GOD ABOVE that the boys were at least kind enough NOT to tell these girls what “the talk” was about. I realize I am going to sound SO naive when I say this, but man…I was REALLY hoping those things weren’t gonna be in her head until she was like 30. HA. Well, not really Lily and Mommy but I at least thought I had another year or possibly two. And you parents know why, it’s because you picture them as your little babies (as she was in this picture) and you don’t want them growing up so quickly! 🙁

Thankfully, Lily and I have a really great relationship so far. She asks me about bad words if she hears them. She tells me about situations if they happen at school or outside of school. She always asks me questions. I mean, constantly.

I have a couple of thoughts on how I am going to handle this conversation but I would really love to hear your advice on your experience with those conversations. So here we go…how old was your kid and how did you handle “the talk?”

Thanks guys!

XO Surviving Mommy

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11 Comments

  • Jen says:

    Hey Cindy,
    My daughter asked me the same thing at 10 as well. So I sat her down and explained to her what the talk is in terms that a 10 year old would understand. Not to graphic but enough for her to understand. As she got older I have explained a little more I would rather her to hear this from me than from some older boys. Good luck

  • Mandy says:

    We had the talk last fall – I had just had another baby and my (then) 9 year old wanted to know all about it – and she was already asking tons of questions. I Just laid it down for her, vagina, penis, sperm, eggs, sex, babies, periods, bla bla bla. She wasn’t even bothered. It’s just science.

  • Christy Leonguerrero says:

    I wanted to wait forever as well, but I had to have the talk towards the end of 5th grade. Unfortunately kids talk and hear things so I figured it was easier to talk to her then to have her believe everything she hears from her peers. Now with my oldest in middle school she is already coming home with questions about stuff I am shocked to hear from an 11 year old. Good luck.

  • Tasha Torres says:

    The “talk” in my house is an ongoing conversation we have had since my daughter was 9 years old. Shes now 15 and she can talk to me about everything, as I indented it to be. She tells me how her friends are so clueless on matters, she is shocked that they don’t know things -like she does. The drama and conversations over tampons with her friends was enlightening, even family members have given her a hard time over them (SIL and MIL are old school). I didn’t have those conversations with my mother, so I am changing it with my two daughters, my youngest (the mermaid) is 11 years old. Shes is still embarrassed by saying the real names of her body parts but i make her say them.

    Start having the talk a little bit at time and answer questions as she asks them. There have been times I have been asked a question and have been honest with her by saying “Im not ready to answer that one for you. Lets address it another time when your a little bit older. “

  • April says:

    Cindy, Ihave 2 girls as you already know, but we had the talk around 8-10.. Only because we had developmental changes going on with our bodies. I sat both girls down and talked to them both at the same time. American girl has a book set that helps with that part and it breaks it down simply. And if Lilly is anything like my girls she can only look and read what she wants from the books. There us also a journal for like feelings and stuff like that.

  • Beth B. says:

    Cindy,

    Please talk to your daughter now! Before someone else gives her mis-information!!! I have a hilarious story that shouldn’t really be shared on social media, but my now 20 year old daughter heard some really WRONG info. PM me via Facebook (Beth Harrington Brown) and I will tell you the hilarious story. The best thing that came to mind was how I finished the talk, which I believe was God sharing His wisdom! And that was “Remember that it’s a mommy’s job and privilege to share this info with you. So please don’t go to school and talk with Suzi, Sally or Sophie.” (names changed to protect her innocent friends at the time. ;-))

  • Catherine says:

    Cindy- I would highly recommend a book called “Growing Up, It’s a Girl Thing” by Mavis Jukes. We started reading it to our daughter at 9, on our pediatrician’s recommendation. It was in the “rotation” for night time reading, and even my husband read it to her as I travel and some of the information HE needed to know if I wasn’t here. This book starts with the BASICS, not too much or too little information, just enough to start conversations that are not awkward and develop a good rapport on the subject with your child. My now 14 year old daughter refuses to lend out the book because it progresses through topics that kids/teens encounter in “real life time”. Beginning starts out with breasts and bras and body hair and by the end of the book you have reached hormones and pregnancy (brief consideration, but there). The book is written in a style that is sometimes humorous, but I think that allows all parties involved to relax a bit 🙂

  • Michele says:

    I agree with April. There is a book out that explains everything to young girls in a way that they understand. I guess I gave it to my daughter when she began having her monthly visitor. I on the other hand had 3 sisters and 3 brothers growing up. When I started having my visitor monthly my mom threw me a book and told me to read it. To say the least , it was not interesting or easy to understand. I was pretty much on my own. If Lily is asking about it then now is the time. I am so glad I am over that hurdle in my life. Now I have a wedding to look forward to! Good luck! I know you will do a great job like everything else you do!

  • Kim C says:

    Check out Passport to Purity, it is a great way to go through “the talk” with you and your preteen. It is Christian based and a really great resource.

  • Sherry Murphy says:

    Cindy:

    A friend of mine who is an OB has created a company for just this purpose! Check out Girlology.com. They’ve written great books and they do seminars. I took my 11 year old to one last fall and it was AMAZING. She makes it soooooo much easier to handle all this.

    Good Luck!!

  • Christy says:

    Hey Cindy,

    My daughter is 13. She will be 14 this Nov. When she was 9 I bought her an American Girl book The Care & Keeping of you. It explains puberty. I also got her the 2nd book when she turned 11. Recently I purchased a book from ChristianBook.com Sex & the new you. This book is from a series of books that are specifically written for certain age groups. I believe they start at age 8 with the 1st book. I reviewed the book before handing it over to my daughter & I think that it is well written in explaining sex & what it means. I made sure I told my daughter if she had any questions to not be afraid to ask me. No matter how awkward it may seem. I’d rather her ask me than ask google.

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