Why you shouldn’t burn bridges.

File May 03, 10 00 02 AMLast week one of my dearest friends Kristen called me up and asked me if I would fill in for her on her radio show while she was out for a few days spending some time with her sweet boys. Before I started Surviving Mommy full time, I had a local radio show here in Atlanta for 12 years. However, I’ve been gone from that radio world for the last year. When she asked me though, I didn’t hesitate for a second because I would do anything for her. She and I used to work together at my old radio station and many years later, we are still the bestest of friends. However, the one thing I neglected to mention, is that filling in for her would mean that I would also be working with my ex-boyfriend Jason, who I also worked with while we dated. (yah, not my smartest move-lol). Jason and Kristen do a morning radio show on the Atlanta radio station 94.9 The Bull. Now keep in mind, Jason and I dated many years ago. BUT, it ended badly. BAAAAADLY. As in the kind of break up that Taylor Swift writes songs about badly. HOWEVER, that was many years ago and we’ve since seen each other and are totally fine. In fact, we laugh about it now.

While we were doing the show together, he apologized on the radio (and off) for his part in our break up. He actually said the words…I am sorry! Now thinkFile May 03, 9 59 14 AM back to the blog I just posted recently about forgiving someone if they have never said the words “I’m sorry.” Thankfully, I had already forgiven him many many years ago but it was really nice to hear him actually say the words I am sorry. While working with him we started talking about life and burning bridges. How it’s never a good idea to treat people badly in general but especially in the workplace because you never know when your paths may cross again. It’s not so unlikely to run into someone you dated I guess but to actually work with them…well, that’s a different story. Thankfully, we have grown up and have moved so far forward from that relationship that it was truly a fun couple of days working together. There was no uncomfortableness or awkwardness at all.

But while talking about life and burning bridges with him, it got me to thinking. How many people over the course of your life, who are NOT currently in your life now, can you truly say it wouldn’t be awkward or uncomfortable if you ran into them. It got me to do some deeeeep thinking. I came to the conclusion that I don’t know that I really have any. I can think of a few situations that didn’t end the way I would have liked, but I don’t harbor any bitter resentment or ill will and I would not feel uncomfortable if I ran into them. I’d probably feel more nostalgic if anything.

Let’s see…I had a friend I used to work with who had some serious problems he had to work through and that friendship was pretty toxic for me so unfortunately, I had to disconnect from it but if I saw him today, I would wish him well. My husband and I have had TWO couple friendships that ended not perfectly. Although does any friendship really END perfectly?! 🙁 One where the husband was not so great to my husband and because of that I also lost my friendship with his wife. As sad as it made me, I have nothing but good thoughts for them and their new family. We had another couple who we were also very close with but over time we just drifted apart. For that particular friendship, unfortunately, I think they may have left not having positive thoughts about us though because they blocked us all over social media but I truly don’t have any bad thoughts about them either. Really. They are good people and sadly, it just didn’t work out. It goes back to what one of my best friends told me long ago…people come into your life for a reason, a season or forever. Each of those friendships meant so much to me at the time and brought something wonderful into my life so I don’t have any regrets, I just have a grateful heart for them ever being there in the first place.

kindnessIt’s really about being kind. I say this to my daughters every day. Have courage and be kind (Yes, I loved that line in the new Cinderella movie). But it’s true. Life is too short to be filled with regret, anger or bitterness. We are called to have a forgiving heart and show grace and I want to have that with everyone in my life and I hope and pray they would have it with me. Because Lord knows, as I have said before…I am not perfect. But if you try and be kind to everyone you meet, then I guess you never have to worry about burning bridges.

XO Surviving Mommy

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  • Tami says:

    Well said!! The reason you and Jason found it to be a pleasant surprise to work together again despite your past means you both matured, and you both have found happiness in your individual lives. It totally makes it easier to actually speak to that person again.

    My one experience in this: I had a male friend in high school that somehow assumed he and I were “going together”, although he never asked and I never assumed the same thing. So, when this revelation came to light that we were considered a couple by others, I immediately reacted in poor fashion. And consequently, I lost a friend. He was a year ahead of me in school, and I found I had matured quite a bit as I found myself a rising senior and he a graduate-to-be. I felt I had one more chance to make it right with him, so I wrote him a note and asked a mutual friend to make sure he received it. As I was leaving the school on our final day, I encountered him walking home and waved. He had previously ignored me and had become unfriendly. However, on this occasion, he returned the wave. I haven’t seen him since, although I’m aware he is on social media. For all the things I’ve done poorly in life and regretted, I am still amazed at myself for having found some maturity to solve this one relationship issue. I’m not saying this last line as being on an ego-trip. Truly, I was only 17. How did I develop enough maturity in only a year’s time to find the wisdom to resolve this? I have that “fix-it” mentality now, but wasn’t aware I even had it in me yet to “fix” relationship issues then. I do know that when you begin considering the issue from the other person’s perspective — no matter who is at fault — sometimes, you can figure out best what to do.

  • Christine says:

    I absolutely love this post. This says everything that I love about you and following you through this life journey that you so kindly share on this blog!

  • Katie Walton says:

    What a true and wonderful post. Thank you for starting out my day in such a positive way!

  • Taylor Scott says:

    Such wonderful advice! It’s such a small world, you really don’t know when your paths may cross again. Such a good reminder about how important it is to let go of bitterness, it hurts no one but yourself! Well said, my friend.

  • Ashley Davis says:

    I am awaiting the day to cross paths with a few people from my past so I can be super kind…I have matured so much and it is so much easier to be kind!

  • Alisa says:

    This is why I love you so much. You have such a forgiving heart. People often wonder how we could be friends…lol!! I’ve learned so much from you. Yes….I’m the friend that told you People come into your life for a season, a reason or a lifetime. Well, you told me “It’s better to be kind than to be right”. I think of that alllll the time. I try on a daily basis, whether it works or not, to be kind. If I’m not being kind, I stop and think. I want to be better….we all do. I’m thankful for you as much as you are thankful for all your friends current and past. Love You! Kisses…..

  • Michele says:

    Thank you for sharing this post. I think many of us have had some kind of indifference with someone at some point in our lives. Sometimes it’s easy to move forward but other times not so much. Unfortunately I have one of those not so much with a co-worker. I avoid this person at all costs. She hurt me in ways that I will never be able to forgive her for but at the same time I am able to move forward by simply avoiding her. Sometimes for me forgiving is saying the other person was right. In this case she was not but I do believe in karma. What goes around comes around. I’m not mean to her, I simply choose not to speak to her. It’s all good. She knows she was wrong and it not only effected me, it effected the whole business. She was the reason they got in the red last year. But I can hold my head high knowing I did nothing wrong so I have nothing to be sorry for. So, people just don’t like when someone does something better than them. Ok, I’ll get off my soapbox. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I feel better now. As always, I enjoy reading your posts.

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